Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I cannot find my penis.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
