Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
