well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
