I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
