So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
