A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
