It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
