When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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