Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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