My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
