I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
