we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
