You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
