Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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