I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
