I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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