when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
