How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
