Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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