she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
