wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
