i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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