Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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