I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
