So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
