you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
