if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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