I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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