Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
