I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize