I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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