If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
