So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
