Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
