We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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