your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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