Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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