she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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