If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
