glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
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my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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