You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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