I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
