see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
