Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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