We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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