Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
