I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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