So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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