DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
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Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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