I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
