I just pynch a tree in the face
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
