from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
