The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
