saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
