I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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