oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
