i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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