thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
