She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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