I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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