if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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