no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
