dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
