I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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