On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
