I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
