Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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