hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
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I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
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My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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