She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
