He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
