It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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