my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
