I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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