she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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