Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
