i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
