...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
